Nose Blind

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”
— Proverbs 27:9

One of the strangest things about wearing fragrance is that sometimes everybody can smell you except you.

You sprayed it that morning.

You loved the opening.

For the first few minutes, you could pick out every note.

And then somewhere along the way, it seemed to disappear.

So you spray a little more.

Maybe one more for good measure.

Meanwhile somebody ten feet away is wondering if you bathed in it.

Fragrance people call it going nose blind.

The fragrance did not necessarily disappear.

You simply became accustomed to your own aroma.

And that thought has been following me around this week.

Because I wonder if we can do the same thing with our lives.

Can you go nose blind to yourself?

We talk a lot around Fragrant Life about this idea:

Your life leaves a scent trail.

Wherever we go, we leave something behind.

Our words leave something.

Our attitudes leave something.

Our generosity does.

Our anger does.

Our faithfulness does.

Our absence does.

Our presence does.

But here is the problem:

The person least qualified to smell your scent trail may eventually be you.

You live with yourself every day.

You hear your own explanations.

You understand your intentions.

You know why you responded the way you did.

And over time, you can become accustomed to things everyone around you experiences immediately.

Maybe impatience has become normal.

Maybe cynicism has crept in.

Maybe work has slowly taken more of you than you intended to give it.

Maybe you are talking more than listening.

Maybe you have grown spiritually passive.

Or perhaps there are good things developing in you that you cannot see yet.

Greater patience.

A softer heart.

More courage.

Deeper faith.

Sometimes we need somebody close enough to our lives to smell what we cannot.

And Scripture says there is something beautiful about that kind of friendship.

The fragrance of a faithful friend

Proverbs says:

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

I love that Solomon connects fragrance and friendship.

A good fragrance brings pleasure.

And apparently, so can a good word from someone who knows us well enough to tell us the truth.

Just a few verses earlier, Proverbs says:

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted…”
— Proverbs 27:6

Not every word that helps us feels pleasant at first.

Sometimes a trusted friend smells something in our trail and says,

I think there is a note here that has gotten a little too strong.

Or:

Something seems to be missing.

That can sting.

But there is a difference between criticism from the crowd and correction from someone who loves you.

One wants to evaluate you. The other wants to help you become fragrant.

That kind of friend is a gift.

Different seasons need different notes

I have also been thinking about how fragrance changes with the seasons.

There are things I love wearing in summer that do not shine the same way when the weather turns cold.

And there are heavier fragrances that can feel overwhelming in July but become beautiful when the temperature drops.

The fragrance did not become good or bad.

The season changed.

And maybe there is something there for us too.

Different seasons of life require different things from us.

There may have been a season when ambition was necessary to get something started.

Maybe now your family needs more of your presence.

There may have been a season when you needed to speak boldly.

Maybe this season requires you to listen.

Maybe you have always been dependable, but this season requires tenderness.

Maybe you have been compassionate, but now courage needs to become more pronounced.

Maybe something that once served you has become too strong.

Maybe something important has faded into the background.

What notes need to be present in this season?

That is a difficult question to answer by yourself.

Especially when you have become accustomed to your own fragrance.

Five other noses

This week I attended a men's conference called Uncommon.

The challenge was simple and uncomfortable:

Be uncommon men.

Be the kind of husbands our wives deserve.

The kind of fathers our children need.

Men who read Scripture.

Men who lead their families.

Men willing to take responsibility for the kind of life they are creating around them.

But the conference did not end when we walked out of the room.

For the next eight weeks, I am connected to five other men.

We will meet every week.

Read Scripture together.

Talk honestly.

Encourage one another.

And hopefully give each other permission to say what needs to be said.

I have been thinking about those men differently since this devotional started forming in my mind.

For eight weeks, I have five other noses.

Five men close enough to my life to help me recognize something I may have stopped smelling.

We are all in different seasons.

Different marriages.

Different families.

Different pressures.

Different experiences.

And that means each of us may be able to detect something another one cannot.

One man's strength may supply a note another man's life needs.

One man's experience may help another recognize something becoming too strong.

One man's encouragement may help another notice growth he could not yet see in himself.

That is not weakness.

That is wisdom.

Who can smell your trail?

We love the idea of being fragrant.

We probably like the idea a little less when someone tells us what we actually smell like.

But if my life really leaves a scent trail, then I need people around me who love me enough to help me understand it.

Not everybody gets that access.

Proverbs is not giving strangers permission to constantly critique us.

This is friendship.

Trust.

Relationship.

Heartfelt counsel.

Someone who has earned the right to stand close enough to say:

“Can I tell you what I'm noticing?”

And perhaps one of the greatest signs of maturity is being able to answer:

“Yes.”

Because sometimes we need encouragement.

Sometimes we need correction.

Sometimes we need someone to tell us the beautiful notes are becoming stronger.

And sometimes we need somebody to tell us we have oversprayed.

What does this season need?

So perhaps there are two questions worth carrying this week.

First:

Who can smell what you can't?

Who knows you well enough to recognize your scent trail?

Who can speak into your marriage?

Your parenting?

Your faith?

Your work?

Your character?

And will you listen when they do?

But there is another question:

What notes need to be present in this season?

Maybe patience needs to become stronger.

Maybe presence.

Courage.

Humility.

Discipline.

Joy.

Prayer.

Generosity.

Maybe some note that has dominated your life for years needs to soften so something else can finally emerge.

Seasons change.

And sometimes the fragrance should too.

Don't trust only your own nose

Going nose blind does not mean the fragrance is gone.

It means you have been around it long enough that you no longer recognize it.

That is why we need people.

Trusted people.

Faithful people.

People who know the difference between tearing us down and helping us grow.

People whose counsel, Proverbs says, can be like perfume and incense bringing joy to the heart.

I am thankful that for this next season, God has placed five other men close enough to my life to help me smell my own trail.

I hope I can do the same for them.

Because none of us are finished fragrances.

God is still shaping us.

Still refining us.

Still adding notes.

Still softening others.

And sometimes He uses another person to help us recognize what He is doing.

So ask somebody you trust:

What are you smelling in my life right now?

And have enough courage to listen.

Because your life leaves a scent trail.

You may simply be the last person to notice it.

Be fragrant.